Pandas Are Idiots and Who Stole My Clothes?
The holiday season has come and gone. Tree’s down, lights are packed away for another season, and the full brunt of the winter blahs are upon us. What better time to read some little comic tid bits and perhaps put a smile on that face (or at least kill some time).
You may be wondering, and by YOU what I mean is ME as judging by the old hit counter I’m basically talking to myself here. You know talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity… not a good start to the new year… ahem…
You may be wondering what Pandas have to do with this entry. Well, I’ll show you. It all occurs in Walter Lantz Andy Panda #32 and begins harmlessly enough… by the way, for any of you with mental difficulties like yours truly, Andy Panda is the Panda and Charlie Chicken is the Chicken. I can’t tell you how long it took me to figure that one out.
And so it begins. It boggles the mind how frequently in these ‘funny animal’ books (funny as in how they look, not how they make you laugh) the main characters always seem to come across a crook and some weird treasure. I could never figure out why the writers of these books never tried to do something more realistic, like have one of the characters get bitten by a radioactive spider or something. Ah well, I guess by having giant talking farm animals walk the streets, trying to have any semblance of reality would be considered pointless.
Things we’ve learned from page one – Mugsy Martin is a bad man just released from prison; for a man just released out of prison he’s got $100 to spend (which is about $1000 on today’s scale) so 1950s prison systems were extremely generous to getting ex-cons on their feet; there’s a fountain of youth (who knew?); and Andy Panda favors his left profile.
We rejoin the gang on page three after Mugsy’s just realized a cane Charlie Chicken’s won holds the key to the fountain of youth…
Ah, Mugsy, Mugsy, Mugsy, another example of our failed rehabilitation system. What are they teaching in prison anyway? Don’t they at least tell people if they’re going to commit a crime at least change clothes and stop smoking the cigar everyone saw you with not more than 5 minutes ago! I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the fact Mugsy fell off the wagon so quickly or that both Andy and Charlie couldn’t recognize the guy! I guess those domino masks work wonders. Don’t worry folks, only one more page I want to show you from this tale…
What the hell is wrong with Andy? Does he suffer brain damage? The ONLY THING TO DO is to get the nearest cop as fast as possible so you can get Mugsy’s butt back in jail! I’m not the brightest guy around, but I’m pretty sure ARMED ROBBERY is a violation of the guy’s parole! What kind of lessons were these comics teaching kids in the 1950s? Kids, if you survive an armed robbery attempt by a hardened criminal, make sure YOU DON’T GET HIM ARRESTED!?!
I can understand Charlie Chicken lacking any common sense as he’s, well, a chicken. His brain’s the size of a walnut. I always expected more from Andy though. I mean, he’s bright enough to wear clothing when outdoors, and a pair of sensible shoes for walking, and white gloves so he doesn’t leave any fingerprints behind. You know, with his big ears and dark body, there’s something awfully familiar about Andy…
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Guess they have the same tailor? Kind of eerie actually. I’ll let you speculate on the how’s and why’s, I’m just creeped out.
Well, as we leave Andy and Mickey to sort things out between themselves, let’s move on to something else. Speaking of folks who have less than stellar mental moments, why don’t we spy on DC Comics super-genius and Superman’s arch-nemesis Lex Luthor in Shazam #15 and see what he’s up to… oh, and believe it or not, clothing will play a part in this one too…
Well folks, I guess it’s true what they say, magic and science just don’t mix. Poor Lexy found out the hard way. Again, I’m no genius like Luthor here, but if you’re testing a dangerous weapon for the first time wouldn’t you want to be behind some kind of safety barrier and have the weapon fired remotely? At least that’s what they do on Mythbusters, my source for science!
So, what are the repercussions of this unorthodox test?
I just love Luthor’s response to Tawky Tawny – and the fact that he notices the suit BEFORE the fact that Tawny is a talking tiger! It just goes to show that even the best of us can have our cranial breakdowns now and again.
Ah yes, clothing seems to be a running theme today. Adventure Comics #407 features a cover that helps us keep our theme going. Be warned, this is probably one of the most nerve-wracking, action packed, suspenseful and downright exciting superhero comic covers I’ve ever seen!
What a messy dresser! Shocking, isn’t it? Well no, not really.
As an aside, do superheroes normally keep their costumes in their dressers? I know ‘Bat-Man’ originally kept his stuff in a steamer trunk at the foot of his bed (with planning like that it’s a wonder he managed to survive as long as he did!) and Flash kept it in his ring (yes, a full-sized spandex suit in his ring!). Where’d Spider-Man keep his all those years Aunt May was doing his laundry? Couldn’t have been the dresser. Besides, if you stuck your costume in a dresser it would just get all wrinkled and creased, like Supergirl’s suit on the cover. Then when you go off to battle crime you’d be laughed at by all the well dressed thugs and murderers, and that would really put a damper on your crime fighting. Unless all you wore was spandex, because I don’t believe spandex creases, I think. Just saying.
Now I’d like to close things with a little IMAGE WITHIN THE IMAGE moment taken from Tarzan #238. Here’s a unique little panel taken from the main story of said issue and, really, I can’t say much more about it than feel free to use your imagination…
Of course every action has its repercussions…
And on that wonderful, concerned gesture by Tarzan, we end another session. Until next time!
Hmm, I wonder if Jane found out about this one…