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From Dazzler #42 (coincidently the final issue of that title) comes one of the goofiest and yet creepiest advertisements you'll ever read. At first it just looks so stupidly idiotic, watching Captain America dance around on stage like a moron. At first glance you immediately think "I'd watch that play - I'd watch the hell out of it!" Already you're thinking of the fantastic dance off between Cap and the Red Skull, or the moving duet between Cap and the Falcon! How can it miss?

 

Then you read the ad and realize you've just stumbled upon the pre-internet era of "to catch a predator".

 

For some reason Cap wants a girl between the age of 10 and 14 only! Who the hell is the girl going to play? Bucky (a dude), Falcon (a dude), Red Skull (a dude), Black Widow (a grown up woman)? Seriously, WTF?

 

And as you continue reading it only gets worse... Cap needs a young girl to play his "very special friend"! Again, can you phrase that any less creepier?

 

And then you notice the way Cap is holding the baton, the now weirdly shaped dildo baton, holding it straight at you...

 

"Do it today. You wouldn't want to let Cap down, would you?"

 

And remember to send your photo if you're interested...

 

Man this disturbs the hell out of me. I'm going to need a shower after this one folks, I feel dirty just typing this. It was a real thing that (thankfully) never made it to Broadway. How in the world anyone thought this was a good idea is anyone's guess as, honestly, what part of Captain America screams "musical" to you?