Article #43
Potpourri
#3
OR…
Radiation
is Cool and Who Stole My Body?
Well,
well, well. Look who’s come crawling
back for more. Didn’t you have enough
last time? What’s that? This is the first time you’ve ever actually
been here? Whoops, my bad. I should have figured it out by the hit
counter though. I’ve probably got the
only hit counter on the web that’s actually going backwards.
Okay
then, we’ve got another misshapen round-up of comic entries for you this month
that I hope will entertain, or make your blood boil… or blink. Really, I’m just looking for any sign of
life, I don’t want to be responsible for another death and… I think I’ve said
too much…
First
up, taken from Batman 80-Page Giant #1 which is still on newsstands everywhere,
assuming newsstands still exist.
Otherwise find a comic shop. This
was a winter themed issue featuring many of Batman’s back-up characters in
individual stories, among them a relatively new character, the Veil. Who is the Veil? Well, I guess you could read the story and
find out… or this one line I’m about to write about her. She was a well known actress who had her face
scarred by a Two-Face imposter and now she can see “visions” of events that the
city shows her.
Yeah, I
know, a Two-Face imposter, not the actual Two-Face. Why a Two-Face imposter, you ask? Because the actual Two-Face can’t be
everywhere, I guess.
Let’s
join our story as a mugging is taking place outside the Veil’s haunts. Will she intervene?
Well,
yeah, of course she’s going to intervene, otherwise we’d have a pretty short
story here. So, how does she stop David
from doing a grave misdeed?
Well,
that’s nice. It looks like Veil has made
a friend… and they have a nice talk inside Veil’s haunts as she tells Charles
her origin…
Kind of
a short lived friendship there. You
know, Charles has a point. Most cases
all she’d have to do is make an anonymous tip to the cops, she wouldn’t even
have to leave the dilapidated theatre she calls home. Heck, cellphone service is so cheap nowadays,
and she must have some cash stashed away to survive. I mean, how else could she survive? Eat rats she catches in the theatre? Just saying.
It’s at
this point I get a little lost with this story.
Point one, why the heck did David come back? Point two, he had a rock last time, now he
has a gun? Why mug somebody with a rock
if you had a gun the whole time? It
makes no sense. Anyway, Charles just
whacked David across the back of the head with a pretty nasty piece of metal to
save Veil, but that’s okay, Veil and Charles seem like nice people, I’m sure
they’ll make sure he’s not dead or anything...
Uhm,
okay. I’m sure it’s a profound moment,
Veil revealing her face and all, but they JUST LEFT A MAN FACE DOWN AND
UNCONSCIOUS IN THE SNOW while enjoying their little chat.
Hey,
wait a second…
WHAT
THE HELL HAPPENED TO DAVID’S BODY??? I see
Veil and Charles standing almost exactly the same, and I even see the metal bar
on the ground, but I don’t see someone in a bright red jacket lying face down
in the snow between them. Hmm, maybe
Veil and Charles aren’t such good people after all. I think Gotham civic services will be in for
a surprise come the Spring thaw…
Isn’t
it disturbing watching good, honest people walk down the crooked path?
Let’s
introduce some light material to get us up and out of the gutter. I know, how about something on nuclear
radiation from the Unexpected #157?
Ah, the
1950s, what a wondrous time! A time when
you can have HIGH LEVEL RADIATION EXPERIMENTS RIGHT NEXT TO A PARK WHERE CHILDREN
PLAY! And the wondrous security these
places had! That unlocked gate is amazing,
sure to keep those pesky spies and saboteurs at bay! Sure it can’t keep out a kid, but most spies
and saboteurs aren’t kids WHO CAN’T READ ENGLISH KEEP OUT SIGNS so we’re
okay! If that makes sense to you then
congrats, you’re qualified to operate in high-level security for the Eisenhower
era! God bless you!
And is
it just me, or doesn’t it look like the man in the radiation suit is leading
the kid back into the dangerous radiation area?
Ah,
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. What horrible
fate awaits you? Death by radiation
poisoning? Cancer? Stunted growth?
Oh
yeah, this being the 1950s, radiation exposure meant Johnny would either become
a gigantic monster, or develop some weird power, in this case mind
reading. Lucky kid. And incredibly, the operators of the nuclear
facility just let the kid go, probably through the same KEEP OUT gate he came
in. You’d think they’d have wanted to
take some action so Johnny wouldn’t reveal the best way to bypass their
high-tech security system, but nah.
Remember, in the 1950s anyone could be a lousy, stinking Red. Your neighbor, your teacher, your mom and
dad, even YOU, you lousy, stinking Red!
Why, one of Johnny’s friends is wearing a red hat and shirt!!! Alert the CIA!!!
And why’s
the doctor’s stethoscope hooked up to a box?
Listening to the radio?
Oh
well. Say, ever wonder what happens to
great comic book creators after they’ve been chewed up and spit out by the
industry? Well, in Justice League of America
#92, while the JLA was teaming up with the JSA of a parallel earth (Earth 2),
we learned what befell one of comicdom’s most famous names…
All
things considered, I think Neal Adams got off pretty easy. Yes, Neal Adams, costume maker
extraordinaire!
Now I’d
like to close things with a little IMAGE WITHIN
THE IMAGE
moment taken from the Young Romance 100-Page Giant…
Uhm,
yeah… Until next time!