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Article #55!

 

The Greatest Government Sponsored Hero of All

OR…

The most surreal safety manual you’ll ever read…

 

The government has always been keen on public safety, and in a bid to improve road safety the think-tank got together and cobbled from the ashes the greatest hero America had ever seen! Once his skilled had been honed and his morals justified, the think-tank unleashed their greatest creation upon an unsuspecting public! Take yourself back to the mid-1970s, to that most historic of moments! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the incomparable …

 

 

I have to admit, when I first saw a thumbnail of this book online, my immediate thought was “why is this guy delivering a platter of ice cream on a bike in costume?” A question that sadly, was never answered by this book. I’m guessing that the thing on Sprocket Man’s arm is not an oddly drawn dessert, but a giant sprocket – the piece of metal that bike pedals and chains are attached to. Guess that would explain our hero’s name – except nowhere does anyone in the book actually say that it is a sprocket. So, you know, feel justified to use your imagination as I initially did.

 

So, let’s begin the action! Page 1 …

 

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Gripping story so far, isn’t it?

 

Sigh… looks like this is actually a safety pamphlet issued by the government to discuss bicycle safety. Which is fine, it’s an important issue. I’m sure adults everywhere enjoyed being given this issue to read when buying that new bicycle back in the 1970s. I know nothing would hold my attention more than a black and white pamphlet narrated by a guy delivering a baked Alaska.

 

As an aside, proof that bureaucracy hasn’t changed over the years…

 

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Rather than wait until the regulations passed and THEN publish an up-to-date book, the government body decided to CONTINUE publishing an out-of-date safety pamphlet. But that’s okay because THEY WARN YOU THAT THEIR SAFETY PAMPHLET IS ALREADY OUTDATED!!!

 

Okay.

 

Let’s dive into the actual book now…

 

 

I don’t know why, but Sprocket Man reminds me of Captain America. There’s just something… maybe the boots, gloves, giant disk on one arm, mask, symbol on chest…

 

To be fair, it’s a fairly decent safety pamphlet. I can remember most of these rules from when I was a kid learning to ride a two-wheeler. They all pretty much still apply today.  Important rules like

 

 

 

Standing perfectly still when surrounded by bicyclists. Of course buddy here is about to get smashed by the bike behind him as the arrow clearly points out. So, you know, good strategy.

 

 

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Walking your bicycle when the buffalo are stampeding.

 

Wait, that makes no sense. If you were about to be trampled, wouldn’t you get on your bike and get our of there as fast as you possibly could? Why the hell would you stop and walk your bike??

 

 

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Remember kids, pant cuffs on bikes are bad and…

 

Does that baby have a tattoo???

 

 

Okay, what kind of mom gives her kid a tattoo? That’s just weird. Guess it could be a temporary tattoo, but still, that’s just weird. And speaking of weird…

 

 

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Dude seriously needs a girlfriend. Man on bike action – just – plain – weird.

Now girl-on-bike action… (kidding!)

 

 

So, things certainly got strange in a hurry, didn’t they? The fact this was issued by the government makes it all the more interesting.

 

One point though, throughout the book Sprocket Man merely acted as a narrator. You’re probably wondering, aside from standing around and telling us what we’re supposed to do, isn’t there anything else that this think-tank hero is capable of? I mean, don’t we deserve a glimpse of SM in action? Well, on the back cover is the only bit of superhero action you will ever see in this book…

 

 

I hope that was as good for you as it was for me. SO thank you Sprocket Man for teaching us about bicycle safety. I know I’m better for it after hearing about all those safety points from someone as dedicated and knowledgeable about bike safety as you. Important points like…

 

 

Yes, Sprocket Man, you are truly the greatest government sponsored hero I’ve ever seen. Long may your example inspire the bike riding public!

 

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