Article #39
What’s
a Wacky Woodpecker to Do?
OR…
Something’s
Funny in the Funnies
Well, if
you’re a fan of comics (and I presume you are, otherwise what the heck are you
doing on a site about comics?), then chances are you have at least a passing
interest in cartoons. And if you have an
interest in cartoons, then chances are you are familiar with some of the more
well known cartoon characters, characters like the one shown below, gingerly
borrowed from the world wide web…
You
probably guessed already by the title of this entry that Woody Woodpecker would
be the focus for today. If you did, give
yourself a pat on the back. You know, I
kind of see this entry as a bit of a challenge.
Let’s see if I can send this entry of a relatively inoffensive cartoon
character spiraling down a moral sewer WITHOUT using his name as a punch
line. Let’s face it, making fun of a
name like Woody Woodpecker would just be too easy. Bet you’re already making fun of it right now
you sick pervert! Okay, that was harsh
of me. I’ll just quietly wait now until
you’re done with your fun and want to return to torturing yourself by reading
this site.
Dum-dee-dum-dum,
dum-dee-dum, dum-dee-dum-dum, DUM, de-da-da-dum…
Ready
kids? Okay, let’s continue!
Woody
here, like most other cartoon characters, has had an interesting
evolution. What you see above is his
most recent incarnation, a cute redheaded, hell-raiser (as far as G rated
constrictions will take him, anyway). In
his earliest existence however he was merely an inspiration gleaned from
nature, that is, a real live woodpecker…
Somehow
the critter above gave inspiration to the classic first incarnation of the
wacky Woody in cartoon form as seen below…
Do you
see a similarity between the two, because I sure as hell don’t! Seriously, how could anyone start out with
mother nature’s woodpecker and end up with the simple minded looking psycho we
see above is anybody’s guess. I suppose
when the creative juices start flowing (or the drugs start working) anything is
possible.
(Aspirin
break inserted here for your enjoyment).
Sometime
later, inspired by Chuck Jones’ work over at Warner Bros, Walter Lantz studios
decided to streamline Woody and ended up with the version my generation grew up
with…
Uhm,
yeah. Did I ever tell you how seriously
f****d up my generation is? I don’t know
what Woody’s doing to Andy Panda there, but they look WAY too happy while doing
it! Sigh, at least Woody’s keeping his
hands above the equator.
For
some inexplicable reason I feel like reiterating at this point that I am
strait. Don’t know why the urge came
over me to say so.
Let’s
see my checklist for spiraling articles into the gutter: 1) reference drug use (check) 2) sexual orientation innuendo (check) 3) racism
Let’s
move on.
Now, of
course I wouldn’t start out this entry unless I had something comic
related. Quite frankly it is startling how
often comics take liberties with their source materials. Folks complain when their beloved comic characters
are butchered in big budget Hollywood adaptations, well I say, Hollywood is
just getting even for all the stuff comics have been messing around with. For example, if you looked over my recent
Jetsons entry, you’ll note that Astro wasn’t quite himself in the comics. Or one of my earlier entries that introduced
the bald-headed, purple short wearing Kojak Klingon brigade into Star Trek lore
(all readily available in the Archives section). And brother, Woody Woodpecker is no
different! For proof I present to you
The Funnies #64, Woody’s very first comic book appearance…
So what
we have (from left to right) is Oswald the Rabbit whose most recent claim to
fame was being traded from Universal to Disney in exchange for an executive and
up-teen-millions of dollars. Turns out
Ozzy was one of Walt Disney’s earliest creations for a Mr. Walter Lantz. If you need further details feel free to Google
it. All I’ll say is it would suck to be
the executive made part of the deal.
Could you imagine living your life knowing you were traded for a cartoon
rabbit? Could be worse, imagine if Ozzy
Osbourne of heavy metal fame was originally named after this rabbit. Now that I put the thought in your head, the
next time you hear “Crazy Train” all you’ll think about is an obese rabbit in
overalls. Kind of shatters your world,
doesn’t it?
Next we
have Andy Panda who we covered (well, actually Woody covered him) above. All I’ll add here is that for the longest
time Andy was paired up with a character called Charlie Chicken, and they lived
together in a small house, sharing expenses and living their lives with nary a
gal in sight. Sure Andy had his seldom
seen girlfriend, but Charlie was ALWAYS there.
I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
To the best of my knowledge Andy never choked the chicken – drum roll please!
And
then we have Lil’ Eight Ball. Yeah, I
think the whole moral sewer thing is a slam dunk now. What can I say, 1942 attitudes were different
from the present. Even so, judging by
the big American flag in the background these boys are all true blue
patriots! And hey, any nation that
allows human beings to be traded for commodities, and allows same sex,
trans-species relations AND derogatory caricatures to see print must truly be
the most free thinking nation on the planet.
Okay,
enough politics, back to the woodpecker.
Woody’s first entry into the annals of comicdom would occur in Oswald’s
pages…
WTF
happened to Oswald? He was a freaking brown
rabbit on the cover, now he’s a white rabbit?
And his mom is a brown rabbit.
Hmm… you know I could make a Michael Jackson joke here, but I’m going to
take the high road. I’ll let you insert
your own joke here.
Secondly,
WTF happened to Woody? Seriously, how do
you go from this…
To
this…
Word of
advice to any aspiring colorists out there, if you are colorblind, don’t become
a colorist. It just doesn’t work
out. If they didn’t actually call the
character Woody Woodpecker in the story I would have NO idea it was actually
him.
Ah
well, let’s continue…
Man,
that cow has some serious gas problems!
Here’s a close-up of what I’m talking about…
I’d
feel uncomfortable drinking down a glass of whatever Bessie here is serving. In this image Woody seems oddly attracted by
the cow’s rear end as well, which is just plain wrong.
Two
quick questions to tack on here:
1) What the heck is a pesty
woodpecker?
2) Doesn’t Oswald notice how light
things are AFTER Woody drills holes into them?
Shouldn’t he catch on that a full bucket should weigh more than the
empty bucket he started with?
Next up
is a very important safety lesson with Oswald.
Pay attention and you may learn something.
Safety
lesson number one, always look away while hammering nails into boards. That way you won’t hurt your eyes. Brilliant!
How
Oswald can’t figure out the weight of a full bucket versus an empty bucket, yet
at the same time be able to build a working airplane from scratch is beyond
me. Maybe he’s some sort of idiot savant
or something? I wonder if he ever ended
up working for a large corporation like Boeing, helping to build and design the
jets we travel on today?
Lord, I
really hope Oswald isn’t working for a large company like Boeing and helping to
design and build the modern jets we all travel on.
And
what in the world is a polar bear doing in an obvious rural setting? And sleeping in a tree? Do polar bears even know what trees are?!?
Oh,
wait, judging by his fangs this is a vampire polar bear! That explains it.
But
what’s a vampire bear doing out in broad daylight?!?
(Aspirin
break inserted here for your enjoyment).
Okay,
let’s continue. Be advised, partial
nudity is coming up…
My but
this is getting rather dramatic! Also a
bit bizarre that Woody can take the top of his head off at will. One thing that always gets me in cartoons
that deal with birds is the insistence of adding teeth to them. To the best of my knowledge your average bird
doesn’t have big, white choppers like people do. It just creeps me out.
Will
Rosie be saved? What do you think…
It took
me a couple of tries before I finally got it right. The bear falls, the broken branch hits him on
the head and he runs away.
Hee hee…
“I’ll get the NUTS!” “I’ll chop the WOOD!” “I’ll PULL the WORMS!” If you’re mind’s in the gutter like mine,
that’s actually pretty funny.
And
what the heck is going on with that bird?
He’d better have that growth coming out of side checked, it doesn’t look
at all healthy. Here’s a better look at
what I’m talking about in a brief animated gif…
And how
do the woodland creatures celebrate a hero?
Why by serving circumcised carrots of course!
Scroll
down if you don’t believe me!
The
woodland creatures may think Woody’s ruining their banquet, but judging by the
texture and pliability of the food prepared (seriously,
nuts+carrots+worms=yellow crap?) Woody just saved their lives!
And
there you have it, the very first appearance of Woody Woodpecker in comic book
form. I hope it was as educational for
you as it was for me and until next time all I can say is Goom Bye everyone!
Image Within
the Image
A
special entry here, taken from Superman Annual #14 which is now on sale! First a little back story to establish our
place…
Things
were looking pretty good in Krypton, eh?
I wonder why…
Hmm,
something awfully familiar here…
Something
very familiar…
Obi-Wan
Kenobi was on the ruling council of Krypton?!?
The Jedi’s ruled Krypton? Didn’t
the Jedi’s have some rule about non-interference – oh, wait, I think that was
Star Trek. Does this mean Superman has
some latent Jedi Force abilities he
doesn’t know about? Imagine the ass he
could kick once he figure out how to use a light saber! Pretty bloody leaders though, weren’t
they? Still, it could’ve been worse,
Krypton could have had the Spanish Inquisition in charge…
Oh.
Heh. Well then, I’ll see you later and my the
force of Rao, or something, be with you!